Can't Handle the Pressure

Thomas and I went bowling today, and we soon found out that I can't handle pressure well.  Once I started thinking that I can do well or have a chance to win, I screw up royally.  Of course, neither of us bowl regularly so my inconsistency is understandable.  At the same time, though, I admire people who can remain calm under pressure.

I know that the only time I've ever performed well under pressure was when I played hockey: I always seemed to play better on bigger stages and at the most crucial moments.  Maybe it's because I had confidence in my skill as a hockey player.  I knew that I could score four goals in the final period to get my team to win in a playoff game; I knew that I could shutout the top-ranked team in the country when I played goalie; I knew I could score from behind the net or anywhere almost any time I wanted to; and I knew that the other team would rarely score when I was on the rink.  Perhaps the reason is that when I played hockey I stopped thinking, everything was reaction and instinct.  The second I started to think or to try to focus I'd be average.  So, if ever I think at anything I can't handle the pressure.

Ok, honestly, I did want to brag a little bit right there.  But really I want to draw a distinction between me and Thomas.  The other day we played chess.  While I can play a much tougher computer opponent, and started each match against Thomas very well, he won two out of three because I couldn't finish.  Today we played bowling and he destroyed me because he was far more consistent and not scared of pressure.  And last night he played a game that required lots of thinking in a short period of time and it was if he didn't even care that the clock was ticking down on him.  I am constantly impressed with Thomas's ability to consistently show up and produce, no matter what the pressure may be.

I want to take this opportunity, then, to say that Thomas is my model in life.  He has taken the great responsibility of taking care of all of my money, making sure I'm safe, making sure my equipment is working properly, making sure I get to my next destination with as few miles and hills as possible, and arranging his life for the next two months around my schedule and needs.  I think ordinary people wouldn't tackle this responsibility, with no payment, with such efficiency and calmness.  Even when things have gone wrong, and plenty of things have gone wrong already, "freak out" is not a part of Thomas's vocabulary.  He just calmly figures out the next best thing to do.  And every night I find Thomas working hard on the directions for the next day, painstakingly worrying about what would be best for me and my baby, Cato.

All I can say is that I wish all of us could calmly, consistently, and efficiently take on the thankless responsibilities and tasks that make the world better.  What makes Thomas so great, too, is that he then gives me all the credit for the miles we've biked no matter how hard I try to correct him; and he does great things while making it seem as if he's not doing anything worth talking about.  So sometimes I am surprised when Thomas says or does admirable things: not because he's not a good person, but because he acts as if he's not doing anything out of the ordinary.  His ability to handle pressure and responsibility blows my mind and every day inspires me to ride harder (or on rest days like today, to take much better care of myself) to equal the effortless effort that he puts in.

I don't know how he does it, but if all the world were like him, we'd all be much better off.  Most importantly, no one would brag or show off or, like me, make a point of anything when we do good things.  We would all... just do it, as Nike would say.  If only we would all just do the right thing because of who we are without needing to make a point about it.  I look forward to that day.  So I will continue to follow Thomas's lead.