Wednesday, June 27, 2012

My Relationship to Pornography: A Year Later (Part II)

As far as I'm concerned, the worst aspect of pornography is the attitudes of those watching.  But before I get to that it's clearly important that I talk about the effects of pornography on those involved. 

Many people will say that prostitutes and porn stars choose the lifestyle which they live.  To some extent that is true.  They are not actual slaves and so always have a choice.  First of all, though, we have to acknowledge that as far as prostitutes go, many are slaves or are essentially slaves.  What pimps are masters of is getting their girls, or boys, addicted to drugs that are extremely hard to unhook from, like cocaine; then the prostitute hardly has a choice: if they leave, they'll be poor and unable to get the drugs that they seem to need.  Even if prostitutes aren't literal slaves, then, the choice they have is a false one and might as well be slaves.  Porn stars are not much different.  Men and women, women especially of course, are led into a life with a false choice: many porn stars have left the profession, if it can be called that, and then immediately return because they have been convinced that they aren't good at anything other than having sex with people for money.  Once in the "real world" as we call it they find that it is much easier to have sex for half an hour rather than working a 40-hour week.  Of course I simplify.  Most porn stars are in a number of videos every week.  Still, the amount of work that they put in is nothing compared to a full work-week where they cannot use what they have been told is their best attribute: their body.  For most porn stars, then, pornography seems to be the only choice that they can make until their body is no longer deemed beautiful.  What once was a choice made perhaps as an 18-year old to make some extra money is now the only choice that they can make.

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that porn stars do choose pornography without any strings attached to that choice.  The fact will remain that porn stars are used and abused during the filming of pornography.  Frankly porn stars are used and abused before the cameras are even turned on: they are paid ahead of time for the action about to be performed, with more money for the more perverted actions.  If pornography is a profession, then we can imagine that more perverted actions will be performed more and more often with porn stars wanting to make more money.  It's not likely anyway that a porn star, even if they entered the industry with the hope of only performing straight sex, would be able to escape the pressure to perform the more perverted roles.  The porn industry knows quite well what they want and how to apply pressure to get what they want. 

During filming, the woman is told to be perverted and to like being used and dominated.  We may say that certain amounts of power domination or roughness in the bedroom is healthy and I wouldn't disagree.  A loving relationship between two people is a lot different, though, than porn stars randomly put together in a video and the woman being abused.  The effect this has on the female, as said before, is that they begin to think that what they are good for is being used for male enjoyment, and that male enjoyment should bring them pleasure.  No longer will the female think that they are worthwhile human beings on their own without being used.  Self-image becomes a major issue whether they acknowledge it or not.  Surely some will still say that they are choosing the life and that choice brings them ultimate pleasure and fulfillment, but there is no denying that what they deem as fulfillment actually entails having their worth demeaned and destroyed.

I have had the opportunity since my bike trip to watch some documentaries on the pornography industry, which I'll list and talk about in another post, that have only confirmed that anything that destroys the image of the porn star will also encourage the loss of proper attitudes toward sex and the opposite sex in those watching pornography.  Unfortunately I know from experience that watching pornography leads more and more to thinking of the opposite sex as a plaything.  Granted, I, like other people, might still be a good enough person to see other good qualities in members of the opposite sex.  Still, the end hope for interactions with the opposite sex is, indeed, sex.  Someone who watches pornography has a much harder time not thinking about sex with just about everyone of the opposite sex that they come across, even if they don't act on it.  And believe me, certain expectations develop.  It's hard for someone who watches pornography to not expect a girlfriend or boyfriend to do certain things in the bedroom, or out of the bedroom.

Those expectations then carry the image and worth issues that porn stars deal with into normal relations.  Girlfriends especially are now expected to act like amateur porn stars.  Obviously I don't know to what extent women feel these expectations pressuring down on them, but from personal experience I know that it's hard for a woman to deny a man that they may want to date or are dating.  The end result of this is that, basically, we re-create sex slavery in our own bedrooms.  More accurately we are re-creating pornography in our own bedrooms, especially when we consider the growing trend of taping ourselves in the bedroom and then posting the videos on the Internet.  Taping might also be a healthy expression of loving passion, but the trend of taping and then posting is an indication that we want to imitate pornography.  But I argue that we are indeed re-creating sex slavery in our bedrooms.  What happens is that we indulge master/slave scenarios over and over again.  At the end of the day the man and the woman may still consider themselves equals, but it's hard not to escape the feeling first engendered in the bedroom.  And our women expect that and live into that expectation, then further encouraging the attitudes of men everywhere.

The worst part of it all is that men now think that it's ok to treat a woman as a slave of sorts for their own enjoyment.  If ever they encounter a woman who has a positive self-image and doesn't want to entertain the notion of being dominated or used or any of that, then the man is now left with a dilemma: stay with the woman and respect her, leave the woman and find someone else who will let him do whatever he desires, or stay with the woman and disrespect her.  Believe me, the first choice may be desired by most men, but is also extremely difficult for most men to choose and commit to.  Both of the other choices in some way lead to the use of slavery.

If a man who has developed in the ways that I have spoken about from watching pornography only dates and stays with women who will indulge his desires, then essentially he is being told that it's ok to feel the way that he does.  That man will then desire more and more domination of women and then, eventually, will cheat on even the woman that gives him what he wants.  And the man who stays with the respectable woman with the idea of finding an indulgence to his desires elsewhere will obviously cheat.

Neither situation necessarily leads to slavery.  Both situations certainly lead to worsening our ability to properly love and respect women, which is certainly not what we want.  Both situations also have developed the attitudes necessary for using sex slaves.  Whether or not a man actually will find and use sex slaves depends only on whether or not how frustrated they are and how easily they can find other non-slaves to use and abuse.  Having once used sex slaves it's more likely that the man will return and with more intense and perverted wishes.  Those wishes might then find their way into relationships with non-slaves, then worsening the attitudes involved in pornography and watching pornography that helped lead to the use of sex slavery in the first place.  This is much worse considering that the vast majority of sex slaves are very young... I'm sure we can imagine what the result of using young sex slaves is on the society-at-large.  With the attitudes that we are already developing and allowing to develop, the attitudes that are also brought back into society from those who use sex slaves only intensifies the evil situation we find ourselves in.

At some point along the line you may disagree with my conclusions.  I think the fact remains, though, that watching pornography affects a whole range of attitudes and actions that can and do lead to the holding and using of sex slaves.  Even if the person watching pornography doesn't use slaves, that person brings an attitude to relating with others that may influence someone who has never watched pornography at all to enter into a form of slavery or to use slaves.  Pornography is indeed a worse evil than we may think.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

My Relationship to Pornography: A Year Later (Part I)

I write this particular post for three reasons: 1) I continue to believe that there is a close link between pornography and sex slavery, and slavery of all kinds; 2) Being a part of a confession group the past few years I've come to believe that confessing sins and misdeeds or mis-thoughts to others forges a path toward holy reconciliation; and, 3) Most of the people who have found my blog through google have done so by searching the relationship between pornography and sex slavery.

I want to first focus on the second reason.  When someone confesses to someone other than God (though for many a confession to another person is simultaneously a confession to God, as I believe it is) they are forced to deal with the pain involved, because confessing is essentially a self-deprecating act.  Especially if forgiveness is given the confessor will then be able to feel less and less as if a burden weighs them down and more and more as if new life has been granted.  New life is important: if a person feels that they are tainted, then what will stop them from corrupting themselves more?  The greatest obstacle to poor actions is the individual's feeling that they are somehow pure and performing the action would ruin everything.  Also important to the confession is the reaction from the person/s hearing the confession: they might very well be greatly disappointed, disgusted, angry, etc., but even those emotions are motivation to be better, if nothing else other to be better than the confessor.   Hopefully, hearing the confession will also enable the hearers to look into themselves to determine if they have any of the same thoughts, passions, desires, or tendencies that drove the confessor to the act, and then hopefully preemptively change their character.

It's with this last hope that I again present my personal confession regarding my relationship to pornography.  A follower of the blog during the bike trip last year might well remember that I talked about pornography a good deal and, near the end of the trip, began to see similarities between myself and those who hold or use slaves.  A year later my confession is less revealing but perhaps more enlightening.

Though even before the start of my trip I realized that my own use of pornography was crippling, if nothing else, a fact that only impressed itself more in my mind during the trip, it only took me a couple of months to return to using pornography.  The thoughts and emotions involved in my return are what I want to deal with in this first part, and I'll return to the dire warning that pornography and sex slavery are intimately linked in the second part.

One might think that people learn their lessons.  When an individual is convinced that the lesson also involves the hope and souls of other human beings, one might think that individual will learn the lesson much faster and for all-time.  Indeed I am convinced that my watching pornography does not only condemn myself but also the people that I interact with on a daily basis and, obviously, the people involved in the pornography.  So one might think that I would learn my lesson, especially after the specific bike trip that I embarked on.  One might and would think.

Fortunately and unfortunately, we humans have been created with a massive amount of passion.  Much of that passion is what the Bible might label, "earthly."  I truly believe that all passion can have a positive outlet but finding that path is tricky.  Whatever the case, I have been unable to permanently curb the passions in me that have found numerous negative outlets.  It's almost as if the passions will exist no matter what and, the more I try to shut them off, the more they bubble up inside ready to burst out in a boiling mass of bile.  So I give in, on one hand hoping that by giving in I will no longer be torn up inside and thus be a walking time-bomb, on the other hand simply wanting to give in.

Almost all of us act in the way but with different vices.  How many of us thirst for a drink, or a smoke, or unleashing a torrent of complaints and insults to someone in private, or whatever else our vice might be.  Some of us are good enough that a good book or an upbuilding discourse, as Soren Kierkegaard would say, are all that we need.  I wish I could be the same.  And some of us exhaust ourselves with work so that we cannot even think about our deemed inappropriate passions, though of course we should not then persuade ourselves that the passions are not there.

This last part, acknowledging that many of our passions are deemed inappropriate but perhaps not actually, is very important.  We are human.  If you believe in God, then you believe, I think, that God created us to be the way that we are.  By relegating certain passions of ours to dark alleys because they are suddenly considered inappropriate is a shame.  I've always thought it very funny that our youth can see hours upon hours of violent video growing up, with our encouragement (especially when the violence is dished out by Batman), but sexual images?  Those are inappropriate and evil.  Quite frankly I don't understand.  The effect is that our sexual passions are then swept under the carpet to rot, worsen, and then seek outlets in secret.  Cue prostitution (a majority of which is sex slavery) and pornography (which, I argue, leads to sex slavery and other ills).

I'm not suggesting that we as a society swing the pendulum the other way.  Pendulums are always risky.  In fact, I don't know what I'm suggesting.  All I know is that my passions never disappeared despite my disgust with how the passions of millions of others have morphed into something cruel and terrifying and that, without having been taught or not being allowed by society to properly manage those passions, my passions then directed me to return to the thing that I now most hate about my life: pornography.

And over time this passion banished into secrecy has indeed rotted and worsened.  Hopes and expectations with women have changed in a way that I despise.  Pornography has only quickened the rotting process.  But I would not ever want any woman that I'm with to know or indulge these worsened passions.  On one hand I could argue that having a respectable woman in my life to date would eventually force the passions to dissipate, but then I might still be hiding; on the other hand I could argue that I need to purify myself of all relations with women so that I don't ever inflict more harm than I already have. 

The point of writing all this, as I said earlier, is so that all my darling readers might look inside themselves and reflect.  How much of me is in you?  If we are all honest I think that much of the character that is in a person who uses or holds slaves is in us, and thus much of me is in you.  I am disgusted with myself almost all the time and, reading this, you probably are, too.  But that doesn't change the fact that perhaps you should be disgusted with yourself as well.  Shame on all of us really.  Or maybe I'm just the scourge of the Earth.  Either way, I think I provide a good lesson to all of us as we address the issue of human trafficking: it is easy to fall victim to the passions that lead us into using and holding slaves, particularly because those passions seem fairly isolated and innocent at first.  Even those of my friends who are religious and respectable, I know of no one who thinks that pornography is wrong to indulge in, though I know of many who will say that the pornography industry is wrong.  That is a false distinction: indulging in pornography is not an innocent activity for any individual, no matter how secret or isolated.

Let us not focus only on pornography, however.  There are a great many passions that seem innocent or even positive at first glance that we indulge and activate to only find many years down the road that we should not have.  I'm not imaginative enough to think of all the passions that I'm speaking of, but I think that if we read and hear my story and then reflect, we each might be able to find what those passions are.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Spiritual and Mental Health: A Year Later

A perceptive person would have heard a lot of depression in my last post.  Indeed, if you followed the blog during the bike trip itself you'd know quite well that I suffered from depression early on.  That depression continued to worsen throughout the trip, even when I thought I was feeling better, right on through Christmas six months later.  My father suggests that I was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, which isn't a far-fetched idea.  After all, I was chased by a hungry hyena (or coyote) and spent long, lonely days on my bike reflecting on human trafficking only to return to what we call real life to find that hardly anyone cared about my trip or the reason for the trip.

Misery loves company.  And my misery invited in the company of more misery for myself.  For six months it seemed that every passing day gave me more reason to be depressed.  It seemed, too, that I couldn't spend long around other people or noise of any kind before feeling absolutely exhausted.  Silence and time alone were the only things that brought any kind of stability to my emotional and spiritual state.  Of course, spending lots of time alone when depressed isn't exactly healthy either, so I was caught in a vicious cycle.

Neal, a friend of mine, spent even longer on his bicycle one summer, and he was entirely by himself, not having a driver along with him as I did.  After hearing my presentation on my bike trip he said to me that the time of incubation of sorts that I had spoken of might last longer than I had thought because he was still reflecting on his trip more than a year later.  Now here I am a year later and finding that he is right.  I may not be depressed anymore but my bike trip is actually on my mind more than ever before.  Changes in my personality, little sparks of memory, and transformed approaches to life all seem to still pop up unannounced in my life. 

Really, the trip cut much deeper into my very being than I ever thought it would.  The Fund for Theological Education gave me a grant hoping that I'd do a project that would be personally beneficial, that would help me grow into a better leader for the church with a stronger ability to reflect on and in myself and others.  Quite seriously I think that they got their money's worth with me. 

Why does any of this matter?  Well, I will start talking more directly about slavery again with my next post, but I continue to think it very important for all of us to realize how influential and life-changing our decisions to address social issues can be.  We shouldn't simply think, "Oh, I think I'll do this or that to fight human trafficking" without putting in some serious prayer, meditation, or whatever form of thought we take part in.  As soon as we engage our heart and mind, really and truly, with a life mission we will find that we cannot ever be the same person.  There is no turning back.  In many ways this is a good thing.  I have much more confidence in my ability to commit, to fight through hardships, and to find creative solutions to seemingly insurmountable obstacles; I also am now far less quick to judge others and first empathize with all sorts of people and actions, seeing similarities in my own behavior, and am much more calm, kind, and generous in all my interactions with people, rarely using demeaning sarcasm even as a friendly joke anymore; among other new character traits.  All of these things are positive and am thankful that the bike trip and reflections on the bike trip have fostered them.  Still, I wish I had known that the bike trip would be more than a couple of months on the road.

In the end, my hope is that we can all first learn that life is not all about occupational success and instead devote our lives to some mission or purpose that will bring us and others great joy.  Inner joy and contentment, if anything, should be our main goals; goals that are easiest to accomplish when we bring others along for the ride with us.  I also hope that we can give more thought to the acts of kindness that we perform because how we engage the world around us will not only say a lot about us but will also change us.  Nor should we engage our mission thinking that the world rests on our shoulders.  That will lead to depression, and we are seeking joy for ourselves and others.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Cycling: A Year Later

A year after my bike trip many have asked if I'm still riding.  Actually, that's not true.  Very few people have asked me if I'm still riding, but I have asked myself if I'm still riding many times.  Obviously I should know whether I am riding or not but honestly, even when I am riding, it is difficult to say whether I am indeed riding or not.

The problem that I have is that before and during my bike trip I had a purpose to keep riding.  After my bike trip I had a purpose: to not let myself forget what I had just done.  But once the calendar turned to 2012 I've struggled with motivation to continue hopping on Cato.  Part of that struggle has been the strange weather in the Northeast throughout the spring.  Whenever I thought that the warm weather was around to stay, the temperature would suddenly drop twenty or thirty degrees.  Since I am so dead-set against exposing myself to cold weather it is hard for me to get into a rhythm when the weather plays such nasty tricks with me.  Mainly, though, the problem is that I simply cannot remind myself of any of the reasons why I made riding my bike such a big part of my life in the past year and a half.  First it was for exercise that my bad knee could handle, then it was to save the environment, then it was an odd but meaningful way to raise awareness for the fight against human trafficking.  None of which seem to pop into my head anymore.  So I still ride my bike because it would seem strange not to, but now it also seems strange riding because I don't know why I'm doing it.

To some it might seem like the latter source of motivation is the only one relevant to this blog.  I disagree.  There are a few core things that I learned on my bike trip, but one of them is that the way we live our life day to day can have a great effect on slavery.  The obvious example is if we wear jewelry with diamonds in them without knowing whether the diamonds were mined with fair wages and agreeable working conditions or from slaves.  But our 'slavery footprint' as I'm now calling it is similar to our carbon footprint: small life habits can add or subtract a serious amount to our carbon footprint or our slavery footprint.  Where do your clothes come from, where does your food come from, where does the gas that you put in your car come from, and on and on; how much you consume various things will affect the growth or reduction of certain industries in a simple supply and demand formula.  Like with cows or chickens or any animal whose meat we eat that aren't treated well, if you buy meat from companies that add to the problem then you suggest to the market that more poorly treated animals need to be farmed.  Farming itself is a slave issue.  Indeed, a huge number of things are slave issues, and thus we must be careful.

My point is that whether I am riding my bike focused on fighting human trafficking or on saving the environment, or on saving my knee, the fact that I am riding my bike is a positive.  If I am riding my bike then I am not driving a car or using electricity and then not in any way promoting slavery in our world.

Now I am without motivation to continue riding my bike, though I do still ride it.  What is the problem there?  The problem is one that many pastors and priests of churches encounter at some point in their ministry: burn-out.  Pastors aren't the only ones who experience occupational burn-out but I do think the pastor form of burn-out is the most devastating and noticeable kind because all of God's kingdom and His call for us is called into question.  It can be a very dangerous time for pastors.  Similarly I think it's a dangerous time for me and just one example of what can happen when we try too hard to be mission-oriented.  Oftentimes we find some good that needs to be done in the world and think we need to do something about it all the time.  But we have to pace ourselves, mix in some peace and joy, and do only what we can.  Otherwise we will be left in the burning burnt-out desert that I find myself in now.

Part of pacing ourselves, too, is knowing our role.  In the Church we talk about the Body of Christ and I think it's a valid metaphor for non-believers concerned about social justice as well.  Each one of us has special gifts and interests.  We have to rely on each other, knowing that when we use our gifts to address our interests that other folk in the body will use their gifts to address their interests.  The hand cannot do the stomach's job.  Some jobs are more glamorous than others, sure, but all missions are equally important.  Don't work yourself out trying to do too much, other members of the body will do the rest.  I am beyond proud of myself and glad that I did what I did, and proud of all of you who helped me raise money for Polaris Project, but I put so much emphasis on myself that I am now struggling to recover.  So don't be like me and lose motivation to do something that you love.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Hometown Prophet

A couple of weeks ago I came home from seminary and immediately jumped into helping my father win an a town election.  He won the race for selectman and everyone is happy.

Much of the work that goes into helping with a town election for grunts like me entails holding signs.  On the day of the election I found myself holding a sign (or two) for ten hours.  At one point that meant standing next to a fine gentleman that I like quite a bit, though until then I hadn't much opportunity to talk to him during the past few years of knowing him.  Most of the time we were telling stories, long stories: apparently he and my father are the kings of telling long stories.

I don't usually tell long stories.  I just have a lot of stories that I tell in quick fashion.  One of the stories I told that day was how I had bicycled across the country to fight human trafficking.  He responded as most people do, "Wow, are you serious?!"  And then a few seconds later, "That's so disturbing.  I don't know why anyone would use someone like that.  Hopefully our government can step into other countries and stop it."  I was proud of him until that last sentence.

What surprises me about the interaction is how little some people know about domestic human trafficking even in my hometown.  Lack of awareness is an on-going issue that I've written about, and to some extent I think it's the major issue when it comes to trying to fight the evil, but since I decided to go on my bike trip I have not spent much time at home.  Now that I have it's rather upsetting that people that I know and have known for a long time, people that I respect, and people that I thought would have read the article about my bike trip in our town newspaper and that I thought were following this blog, continue to have little idea about just how serious human trafficking is in our world today.  Yes, I am glad that this man showed more concern about those held in slavery than most people that I talk to do, but I still think even the most concern does little good when it is directed internationally and is totally ignorant of how serious it is around our homes.

Granted, I can't expect everyone that I come across to be up to speed on the issue nor can I expect them to have followed my trip with ever-attentive eyes.  In a lot of ways it's good because, I mean, that's my mission: to make others aware.  I'd be silly to think that a few months, even an impressive few months, would fulfill my mission.  Still, I'm beginning to understand what people like Jesus and Mohammed knew, that prophets are very rarely accepted in their hometown.  Part of that is because people know me for who I am with all of my deficiencies and I can't simply be that great guy who biked across the country.  But a lot of that is because, knowing me, hometown folk believe that "this guy" can't have much to say that they don't already know.

I don't mean to say that I'm a prophet.  I simply mean that the experience I have had at home so far reminds me of how much harder a person with a universal mission must work in their hometown.  It's a good thing that I've always wanted to make Hudson, MA a great place--perhaps, through many, many years of hard toil, Hudson can become a model for the fight against slavery.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Coming Soon!

Folks... it's been a little under a year since my last post.  My last year of graduate school at seminary caught up to me and, while I had time, I had no desire to fill that time with anything but watching movies.

But now we have something to look forward to.  I am home dedicating my life to writing.  That means two things: re-dedicating myself to writing about/reflecting on slavery on this blog; writing the long-awaited book about my travels.

So tell your friends that a book is in the works and tell me if there are any stories or blogposts that you particularly want to see their way into the book.  Also, you can follow me on twitter @JohnHDLucy or look out for my new blog that I'll write in conjunction with this one (that I'll entitle "Writing to Live") about my efforts to be a so-called writer.  Both places will have updates on where I am in the writing process.  Besides, you know you want to follow me on twitter anyway, and follow my writing career, because I will soon be famous no doubt.